Real Issues on Trust and Abuse

Real issues that hurts the most are these that seem self-inflicted because we had no idea the one closest
to us would betray us. Most of the scars we have, were not inflicted upon us by strangers but by those
we once trusted. In this episode, we would like to discuss deeper this issue of trust from a real life
scenario which happened a few years back. Names are going to be withheld: There was a couple which
stayed in high fields, Harare and they had some of their family in the rural areas of rusape. Among the
relatives in the rural areas was a young girl, a sister to the wife of this gentleman. They decided to take
this little girl to Harare to continue with school, in fact to begin her high school in Harare since she had
performed exceptionally in her primary education. Many of us we do this not knowing the fate that lies
ahead of the good decision. The uncle who is the husband to this little girl’s sister then took this little girl
to bed; to say it as it is – he raped the 14-year-old girl. When the sister got to know this she was hurt, but
as usual, she had a dilemma of choosing to do what is right and protecting her husband from the law.
She chose to cover it all up and told her little sister to shut up and never tell anyone but they also could
not help her with mitigating against the consequences of rape so in no time, her pregnancy grew.
Neighbors could only gossip about it and helping with nothing. The sister had to live with the pain of her
wrong decision of protecting a vicious animal in the name of ‘bread winner’ and at the same time go
through the pain of looking at her little sisters struggle with the unwanted pregnancy, psychological and
emotional pain. 


This was a person expected to be a father figure to this girl; a person who was supposed to protect her
and stand for her; but he turned at her to contaminate her purity. This was a person whom her sister
trusted and she also trusted him, but the trust was betrayed and the penalty of trusting the wrong
person had devastating effects. Let’s talk about trust:


Trust does not come freely; it has to be earned. It is how much of it one earns that determines how
much they are worth in terms of reliability. Trustworthiness demands a price to be paid. It takes ages to
accumulate but it seems ironic how it can be undone within seconds. It only takes one ill move to
destroy one’s legacy, that is why Robert Green said, ‘’reputation is everything, guard it with your life.’’ It
is very important to be a trustworthy person in life. It is a necessary virtue that can achieve more for any
individual since it’s an accolade that can be added to a name’s weight. The holy bible also says, ‘’a good
name is to be desired than great riches’’ – Proverbs twenty-two first verse. A name can only be good
when trustworthiness is among the credentials. Although traits of untrustworthiness are often
conspicuous, deceivers too, get to be trusted by their victims before they pounce thereon. Never be
generous with trust, don’t give it away just like that. Perception can be illusionary but time always
reveals the true core of every individual. It is not wise to trust quickly, our anatomy makes it difficult to
tell the inner intentions of a person apart from what they portray and declare to your senses. The real
person and their capabilities to inflict harm are always hidden underneath the heart; the grin of teeth is
always behind beautiful lips. Even graves are decorated with beautiful flowers; never judge a book by its
cover when it comes to trust.


Trust is defined as a trait of believing in the honesty and reliability of others. This means having
complete confidence in a person.


Being trust worthy means doing what you say you’ll do. This stretches further to playing your role in any
setting; whether family setting, business setting or friendship-wise. If you are a teacher to your students,
that relationship has to produce what the teacher-student relationship should. When the teacher begins
to cross the line into developing a more than tutorial relationship with their student then that
relationship is bound to produce sour results which are going to be a betrayal of trust invested upon the
tutor by the parents. When a doctor has lust towards their patients, their performance is definitely
compromised and trust vested in them by the government is betrayed as well since the delivery of their service is lust driven and thereby manipulative. The same goes for a father who is switching roles within the house and having an affair with the maid; or an uncle who pursues love from their relative’s child.
Most of these unstable relatives discompose minors and they might even force themselves onto the
child: rape occurs. This is mainly because when the mother of this child or when the responsible
guardian looked at the perpetrator, they thought of him as trustworthy. Their eye could not see the real
person or animal within. Trust should not be easily given; it should be earned. It is not wise to be quick
to trust because time is an expositor of the real person. Take time to trust.


Trust also means being loyal to the important relationships around you, even your friends. Honesty is an
ingredient that should constituent trustworthiness. People need to learn to cultivate trust by following
through commitments, to honor and complete tasks. Keeping promises is a virtue and anyone who
possesses this attribute is worthy of trust. Effectiveness in execution of tasks and roles is paramount in
earning trust.


Many have been cheated by the people they trusted. Some of you lost valuables to thieves who were
closer to you, whom you thought as colleagues. You were deceived by your close associates. The
parameters you had used to measure them and deem them qualifying your trust were delusional.

Within our African society settings, we tend to feel compelled to trust everyone whom we call a relative.
We tend to even trust our neighbors to nurse our kids whilst we are at work and a lot of things happen
in our absence. You have seen scars on your child’s body that you cannot explain. And you never
bothered to investigate; because you trust the person you left them with? Even on a bus; say there is a
nursing mother who is with their month old baby. When another passenger asks to hold their baby they
promptly deliver it to them with a broad smile. Our culture has schooled the mother in a way that makes
her feel its rude to refuse with her child. But who knows what that person who has asked to hold your
child is; what do they do? are they a sangoma? are they a victim of a contagious or airborne disease? are
they victims of schizophrenia and they might squeeze the baby’s neck at any second or at worst, throw
the baby out through the bus window? At times it is better to protect what is valuable to you and not
have it exposed to anyone who comes your way no matter how they feel.


We go back to our issue; we realize that all the trust that was built was broken by one act; and to build it
back again it would now take ages and its often impossible. Please tell us what you really think should be done in such circumstances. Let’s discuss it. Tell us your thoughts and contributions, opinions differ so is perception.


We feel Issues like these should be reported to the police. The wrath of the law should take its toll on
perpetrators of this behavior and keep them away from children; they are harmful, dangerous and evil.
It doesn’t matter how much their support will affect the family’s livelihood, it is better to struggle on
what to eat whilst your conscience is clean than to be full with the bread of evil doing.


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